Hi everyone, I think I need some help. (long post, sorry)

Arwyn and Frodo had been doing quite well. We´ve had them both sitting in a room together a few times and everything was fine apart from a little growling. (from Arwyn) I was feeling like progress was being made, until this morning when my Husband accidentally let Arwyn into the living room/kitchen where Frodo was. He was just coming out of his litter tray in the kitchen, as she walked through the door, spotted him and just flew at him. Poor Frodo isn´t a fighter and he was absolutely terrified. Arwyn chased him all over the house screaming and hissing, until I managed to make a grab for Frodo and put him in the spare room where I sat and cuddled him until he calmed down. (I now have scratches all up my arm )

My Husband is now saying we shouldn´t keep her, but I think it´s far too soon to give up, especially as we had made some progress before this. I´m not sure where to go next though. Up until now we´ve been keeping them separate and swapping them around rooms so they could get used to each other´s scent, along with occasionally letting them into the spare room together, (neutral ground) Arwyn usually just sits on my knee and watches Frodo, but hasn´t attempted to attack him during these meetings.

I wonder if this morning was simply because she got a fright as she walked through the door, only to be instantly confronted by the sight of Frodo walking out his litter tray towards her... maybe a case of attack before being attacked? (the sad thing is, Frodo wouldn´t) I´m thinking about giving them a few days to cool off again and then putting Arwyn into my dog crate in the living room for a while each day and feeding her and Frodo together for a few weeks.. him outside and her inside the crate, so they learn that meeting each other means good things happen. Plus they can both feel safe in that they can see one another, but not be attacked. Does this sound like a good idea, or is there anything else I can try?

Has anyone ever been in this situation and managed to get their cats to at least tolerate each other, or am I just delaying the inevitable?

It is a really very difficult case. I do not have such experience with cats. However, I friend of mine had similar issue with her old male cat and her new male doggy. The cat would always attack the doggy. She really tried everything: the cat and the dog were taken together for a walk; she would hug the cat and her mother the dog and try to make them contact with one another; they would even swap their collars so that they would get used to each other´s smell. I´m sorry to say it but none of these worked. The Vassja and Charlie were kept until the old Vassja died
I really hope that somebody else would give you some better advice. I do not want to sound pessimistic or something, I just decided to objectively state my (or rather my friend´s) experience. Please, do not get me wrong Hope with the cats it is different. Hope somebody will help

My 2 toms Sidney and Ginger are both strays who adopted me. They have long standing rivalry between them. I have had them for many years and they have not fully accepted each other. Perhaps in a male this in perfectly normal. I keep them separated most of the time by one of them having to be outdoors at any given time. Over the years they reduced their fights to ritulised posturing and hardly ever fight. If they do fight, it is only a few bored slaps with hardly any claws. During bad wether they make a truce and stop fighting, so that they can both be indoors.

How long have you had your 2 squabbling kitties? I suspect, that they would over a long period of time accept each other to some degree, but will never really like each other. I would continue to keep them separated or at least give them their own space. The litter tray incident might have been sparked off by Frodo´s toileting being interpretted by Arwyn as territorial marking.

By the way, I separate my fighting cats by pouring water over them.

When I had to introduce my elderly cat to the new kitten I had similar troubles. Kitty wanted to be friends and play the older would not have it. When I took the kitten to the vet for her shots etc I told them about the problem and they suggested that I use Vanilla Essence (not the imitation) on their coats to make them smell the same. He also suggested that I use a sedative (herbal) called Sed-a-calm you add a few drops to their water, it doesn´t make them sleepy or any thing like that but takes the edge off their stress level. I found it did work they never ended up cuddling or being best friends but the older cat tolerated the kitten and they came together without fighting. Sadly my old girl has passed but another 2 cats have joined the family since and the above has worked really well , maybe because they are all young but they are the best of friends and enjoy each others company My dog is terrified of thunder and we give him the Sed-a-calm during a storm and he seems to be able to get through it better now. I hope that it all works out

Thanks for the advice so far.

We´ve only had Arwyn for 2 weeks, so it´s still very early days which is why I´m not ready to give up yet. If we can at least eventually get them to a stage where they put up with one another, even if they can´t be friends then I´ll be happy with that.

I´ll definitely have water handy next time they meet (which won´t be for some time now I think), we just weren´t prepared at all today since they met by accident and all I could think of was getting Frodo safe because he was so frightened. He doesn´t do well with stress at all and is prone to cystitis, which is a worry when things like this happen. Luckily he calmed down quickly and seems to have escaped unscathed.

Thanks for the info on Vanilla essence and Sed-a-calm. Sheebs. Vanilla essence I can do, but Sed-a-calm doesn´t seem to be available in the UK. Does anyone know of an alternative product I can get here? I think something like that would be very helpful, if only to keep Frodo calm and lessen the risk of his cystitis returning.

2 weeks is nothing. I have 2 kittens just over 4 months old. I got them at 8 weeks. The 2 older toms have never been aggressive towards them, but they are only just starting to be more friendly.

I have seen herbal remedies for stress in the pet shop, but I can´t remember the name of it. They also had something called kalm-um. You can see it here http://www.zootoo.com/cats_medication/calmumeztreatchewable . I am not sure if it is suitable for longer term use.

Hey Daftdog. Sorry you had that setback. It can sometimes take many weeks for two cats to come to terms - especially if one of them has been living in very stressful circumstances. It´s possible she´s had conflict with other cats while living in the open and her attack on Frodo was (as you suggested) a pre-emptive strike. When she learns that she´s safe and secure, and that there´s plenty of love and food to go around, she´ll likely feel less defensive. Just beware that it could take a while, but such is sometimes the case with rescued strays. I think your plan for going back to the beginning and reintroducing them gradually again is a good one. You´ve been doing all the right things - just try them again.

It´s possible that they´ll never be good buddies, but it should be possible for them to learn to live without constant conflict. I found a link to a pheremone spray that can also be plugged into a wall diffuser. It´s a UK link, so you should be able to get it there. Another thing to consider is an anti-anxiety med. If you talk to your vet about it, it might be possible to put her on a low dose of something like Elavil (Amitriptyline) until she´s adjusted to your home and can be weaned off it. The Elavil I give Andy is in solution form and can be mixed into canned food.

http://www.feliway.uk.com/feliway_uk.nsf/Page?OpenForm

Good luck!

I had a similar problem when I adopted Ally, she was a great cat and really loved people, BUT, she did not like my other two kitties. They would get into fights so bad they broke things in the house and everything. Booboo is far from a fighter and being FIV+ I couldn´t have her attacking him etc. for her own safety. Tianna is such a skitzy cat all she does is hides and runs as so as it is, I didn´t want her feeling unwelcomed in her own home so after some time I ended up giving Ally back to her original owner. Who had found another home for her where there were no other kitties. She just refused to get along with the others. I then went and got Toma (baby kittie) and they all get along just fine. Other then Booboo wishing Toma would leave his tail alone

Queenie and Molly don´t get along and will fight if they feel like it.

I wouldn´t give up just yet. The dog crate is a good idea, I wouldn´t condone just letting them go for it, but with there being more than one there will need to be a pecking order, and they´ll have to work that out.

Coming out of the tray she could have seen that Frodo was vulnerable and decided to get in first.